So damn freaking tired...

Gesh. I can't remember when was the last time i felt this tired... exhuasted ... weary... drained.. dead beat... pooped... u get the idea rite?

I am sick of pretending everything is fine and dandy. Going on as if nothing is wrong. Candy-coated, suger-frosted, rose-tinted, cheerful, joyful, blissful life. Cos it's not. Ok, u might say 'Hey, not everything IS about u, u know?' And u know wat's my reply to that? "Yeah, IT is!'

When i start to actually THINK, i feel this way. Fucking depressed. That's why nowadays, i prefer not to think. That way i can just feel nonchalant, indifferent, detached. At least, it doesn't hurt that much. It's called self-preservation. It's something i know very well. I started building walls since i was 18. Walls are fantastic stuff, u know? They offer protection and solitude. The higher the walls, the better the sanctuary and security. I was kept sane by the walls i built. Solid, thick, tall walls.

Depression is my constant companion. Sometimes he's just sitting there in a corner quietly, observing and waiting. Sometimes he's out on the prowl, stalking, lurking, silently but surely. And other times he's out in full force accompanied by his best fren, Rage. Those are the times when u surely do not want to piss me off. Recently however, Depression and Rage have been out having a ball. Unfortunately. For everyone around me.

I do wish that i am just a rock or a cloud or a leaf or something... Wat is the point of being alive anyway? I mean to exisit becos u are exisiting? Or to really live your life? Well, in my case, I am just exisiting cos i exisit... it's sad rite? Well, i always say, i didn't ask to be born! But then i am too gutless to end my own life.