Go on.. laugh...

Since it's a Monday... okie, it's Tue morning now... I shall entertain ya all with something work related... Enjoy!




If it doesn't work out... try this..


But if u are...

U can always....

Shopping

See, see, see

Grab, grab, grab

Queue, queue, queue

Buy, buy, buy

Charge, charge, charge

Swipe, swipe, swipe

Sign, sign, sign

Bills, bills, bills

Pay, pay, pay

Broke, broke, broke

Boredom kills

I was sitting on the couch this afternoon stoning and staring into empty space when this popped into my head. I dub thee as 'Boredom Kills'.


Boredom Kills
So damn bored...
Nothing to watch,
Nothing to read,
Nothing to do.

I wish i had Heroes, season 2,
To watch.
Or Harry, (not the prince),
Potter that is.
Or Louis AND Daniel,
Now that's censored.

Mind numbing, stupor inducing, breath choking.
Spiders, spiders spinning cobwebs.
I can literally feel my brains
Turning into mush.

Object of desire - item 2,269

Wow! I mean look at this car.... if this was a man, he would be absolutely, completely, utterly DELICIOUS! Everyone droooooool now. Ok, ok, i know i am a gal.. i know i am not supposed to go gaga over a car... BUT seriously, LOOK at it. Oh gosh, if any guy owns this beautiful baby, i would be willing to do IT in the open, topless not withholding! Haha! Yah yah, i admit.. part of the allure is becos it's OPEN TOP! Sex on wheels has never looked so hot, yes, i concur.

I present to u, the new Maserati Gransport Spyder! Even saying the name is soooo damn sexy... ohmigod.. i am getting such a high! Wahahaaa...

It's a miracle!

I had this freaking back ache for almost 3 weeks now. Every time i attempt to move, a sharp searing pain shoots up from my lower back. (No, i din see a doc, nor visit TCM, i am a great believer in self-cure, yah rite.) Trust me, it's so damn fucking excruciating!

This morning, however, wonders of wonders, when i woke up, the pain was gone! Ok, not totally but somewat gone. It's no longer an agonizing, unbearable pain, it's now just a dull ache. It's a miracle, i tell u! Magnificent, amazing, brilliant miracle! Must be something i did rite last nite. I wonder wat it was??!! Hmmm... Maybe the alcohol? Nah. Probably not. Hahaha!

U know wat this means? I can finally dance again! Yipee!

The deep abyss

It suddenly hit me as i was lying in bed sleepless (again) why i am feeling the way i am. I need my freedom! Yes, i am trapped, caged, ensnared, imprisoned. Like a bird without wings, a lion without teeth, no way to turn, no place to run. That's why i am so down. Each day i feel like i am falling into a deep abyss and just when i think there is no more lower i can go.. i fall further. It's like a hole with no bottom.

I seriously NEED to go wild, crazy, do something different, outrageous, shocking, extreme and out of the ordinary. Wouldn't anyone save me please?

Footnote: I am drinking as i am writing this.. apparently, i am too high to think straight now.. so it will have to end here.. i mean the post. :P

Footnote2: Someone told me i spelt something wrongly.. haha...

So damn freaking tired...

Gesh. I can't remember when was the last time i felt this tired... exhuasted ... weary... drained.. dead beat... pooped... u get the idea rite?

I am sick of pretending everything is fine and dandy. Going on as if nothing is wrong. Candy-coated, suger-frosted, rose-tinted, cheerful, joyful, blissful life. Cos it's not. Ok, u might say 'Hey, not everything IS about u, u know?' And u know wat's my reply to that? "Yeah, IT is!'

When i start to actually THINK, i feel this way. Fucking depressed. That's why nowadays, i prefer not to think. That way i can just feel nonchalant, indifferent, detached. At least, it doesn't hurt that much. It's called self-preservation. It's something i know very well. I started building walls since i was 18. Walls are fantastic stuff, u know? They offer protection and solitude. The higher the walls, the better the sanctuary and security. I was kept sane by the walls i built. Solid, thick, tall walls.

Depression is my constant companion. Sometimes he's just sitting there in a corner quietly, observing and waiting. Sometimes he's out on the prowl, stalking, lurking, silently but surely. And other times he's out in full force accompanied by his best fren, Rage. Those are the times when u surely do not want to piss me off. Recently however, Depression and Rage have been out having a ball. Unfortunately. For everyone around me.

I do wish that i am just a rock or a cloud or a leaf or something... Wat is the point of being alive anyway? I mean to exisit becos u are exisiting? Or to really live your life? Well, in my case, I am just exisiting cos i exisit... it's sad rite? Well, i always say, i didn't ask to be born! But then i am too gutless to end my own life.

To all the men i lusted before

Yes, i needed you.
Not you per say,
But just your body.
It was great while it lasted,
(to be frank, some wasn't even that good.)

I am sorry to leave.
I had to.
It was inevitable,
To go while i was still in control.
Control of my mind and my heart.

Feelings involved were such a blur.
Estascy and delusion,
There was no distinction.
I wasn't heartbroken in the end,
Just a twinge of regret.

Why i had to lust for you in the beginning.

Lust, such a beautiful feeling,
Such a poisonous word.

Better than Prozac

I happened to switch to Kids Central this morning while Hi!5
was on and managed to catch their theme song for the week. This is how it goes:


Happy Hi!5 Song

I'll run for a mile
I'll laugh all day
I'll shout from the highest hill
I'll swing from a tree
Get my heels up high
I just can't keep still
Feeling yummy, feeling good

Happy, happy, i'm so happy
Can't believe i feel so happy
Must be something special about today
Happy, happy, i'm so happy
Can't believe i feel so happy
Must be something special on the way

There's a spring in my step
A bounce in my walk
And i can jump up 10 feet high
When i woke up today
I had one thing to say
It's gonna be a wonderful day
Feeling yummy, feeling good

Happy, happy, i'm so happy
Can't believe i feel so happy
Must be something special about today
Happy, happy, i'm so happy
Can't believe i feel so happy
Must be something special on the way

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, happy
Nothing's gonna change my mood
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, happy
Cos i'm feeling good


Gosh! How can anyone be depressed after listening to that crap? It's like forced happiness! Haha! The song stuck in my head for most of the day. LOL

See how effective it is? I think they should just put all the patients on Prozac in a room and play Hi5! for a good 24 hours straight. I doubt any one of them will be depressed after that. Ok, the people who manufacture Prozac are so gonna hate me for this. Wahahahaaa.....

I need taxi driver frens!

Bloody hell! The past 2 times that i went out, it took me almost 3 hrs just to get home! Argh! In Singapore, u say? Ridiculous rite? Yah. I totally agree...

Well, the first time, I was at Vivocity (it was a Friday) and it started to rain heavily just before the shops closed. I went to the cab queue and there was like a gazillion people already in the queue. And another gazillion people standing around frantically dialling on their handphones for cabs. All the cabs that turned in flashed 'On Call' signs.... &#$%*^!^&$#*^!!$%@
The second time, I was at Paragon (it was a Sunday) and the same thing happened! See the pattern? RAIN....

Both times i tried to call for cabs but to no avail. Somehow, i can't even get through the damn lines. I wonder if all the call operators have some secret handbook that says 'When it rains, go hide in the toilets or storeroom or somewhere, anywhere and SLEEP!' Wat's the point of having a hotline when u can't even get through the line?? And the only 1 time that u finally do, no one answers the phone??! GRRRRRRR...... Super duhz, rite?

After trying for more than half an hour to call for a cab (it was raining wat, i really din want to squeeze on the bus or mrt!), i gave up and defeatedly went to take the bus. Of cos, there is no direct bus back the pathetic, end-of-the-earth place (that explains why it took so long just to get home) i am currently staying. By the time i finally got home, it's almost midnite! The shops closed at 9, see, i kid u not ... it took me about 3 hours just to freaking get home.

So wat grand, earth shattering insight did i gain from all these?
1. Dun ever go out again? OF COS NOT! U must be crazy! Haha.
2. Get a chauffeur who will come and fetch me whenever i call? Preferably a handsome, cute, dashing guy? Sounds fantastic eh? AS IF.

Finally, it dawned on me. I NEED TAXI DRVER FRENS! So that i will have their personal handphone numbers and i can call them directly instead of going through some silly hotline. See! Am i smart or wat?? Hahaha.

My little yellow diary - part 2

This one is on heartbreak.

There are 2 entries that were not dated and written in big bold caps. I wondered wat prompted me to write them. I simply cannot recall. They were just some simple lines but they really spoke volumes.


Undated 1
AH! I am really DISGUSTED by guys!


Undated 2
Ah! Ah! Ah!
Don't!
Don't!
Don't!
CRY!


I dun think it's anyway connected to the guy mentioned earlier on in the dairy. It's probably referring to someone else. Hmmm...

My little yellow diary - part 1

Guess wat i found yesterday afternoon while packing my 'worms'. A little yellow diary. Ok, it wasn't technically a diary but just a notebook. However, i did used it as a diary of sorts. Some entries, some poems, some cuttings, etc. I realised that the entries were dated 1996! OHMIGOD! It is more than 10 years old! The yellow notebook, i mean. No, it's not yellowish, i would have said yellowish if i meant that. It's really a YELLOW notebook. Duhz.

It felt bittersweet as i was going through wat i wrote. I can't really recall the exact emotions as i was penning them but it was sure nostalgic. So for your reading amusement... i present to u... My Little Yellow Diary. Please pardon the childish writing. Wat did u expect? i was only 19 then. Haha.

This one is on puppy love.

*names have been changed to protect certain individuals.

9th June 1996
Yesterday, i went to Platoon 16's Dinner & Dance. Actually, i did not really wanted to go. When Lisa called me, i was already sleeping. But in the end, i still went and boy, was i glad i did.

At first, it was kinda weird becos i did not know anybody at all. But then i were introduced to CP and SK, who sat at the same table. When the dance party started, it was like heck care kinda thing. We just danced in a big group. After a few songs, SK and our partners went to sit down to rest. So only Lisa, CP, another guy called Jason and me were left. Anyways, we just danced. I had a really fun time dancing with CP. Boy, was he a good dancer. Must remember to ask him to teach me someday. He also said i was a good dancer (really?)

After that during the slow dance, CP went to dance with SK (his partner for the nite), and Lisa with Jason. I was feeling kinda bored cos nobody asked me to dance. But then Alex wanted to dance with SK so we went to swop partners. I enjoyed dancing with CP and talking to him. At first, we were just dancing quite normally as we just met at the D&D. But as the music played, we seemed to get closer and closer together. I dun know if he moved towards me or did i unconsciously. In the end, we were so close that i even felt his belt buckle brushed against me a few times. I have never danced so close to a guy for so long, or stared into his eyes for so long. Well, i guess it's a good way to practise my flirting skills. Haha. Lisa said she glanced at us a few times and thought we looked very good together (really?). I felt kinda bad leaving SK with no partner but then....

He told me quite a bit about himself while we danced. Like he's the youngest and most spoilt. I knew that i flirted with him a few times but unconsciously, how many times, i seriously did not know. Too bad the nite had to end. It was fun to have your arms wrapped around a guy dancing to love songs all nite.

We arranged to meet next Sat to see the photos (excuse?). Let's see how things will go. :)
I wonder if he likes me too?


12th June 1996
Hi! I'm back. I am in the office rite now, alone! And i am damned bored. Lisa told me that he called her last nite. I am kinda jealous. Why did he call her and not me? But Yan said that when a guy likes u, he will not dare to call u directly. Rather, he will call your frens. Well, i dun know how true that is. Anyway, if he calls fine. If not, forget it.

Why are guys like this?? Get your phone number but dun call?? Wat the heck??!


This entry was not dated
He called! Yes! He called!
And we went out.
Walked around.
Ate chocolate cake.
Talked.
Went Telok Blangah Hill.
Looked at the nite lights.
Stared at the stars.
Talked.
Whispered.
Laughed!
It's ok lah.

Proof that aliens do exist!

Haha! See... who said there were no aliens? Guess wat they said? 'We come in peace...' *nen nen nen nen, nen nen nen nen...* Twilight Zone music playing in the background.... Hahaha!

Object of desire - item 1,581

I just bought a new cd set from That CD Shop on Sunday. 'Hotel Dubai' compiled and mixed by Lisa Loud. It's music that they play in the actual hotels in Dubai. There are 3 dics, 1 for the Royal Palm Lounge Bar, 1 for the Raffles Private Member's Club and 1 for the Zahara Spa. It's freaking cool! Oh yah, it costed me $69.90 too. But seriously, it's way too cool! Look at it. Just putting in on ur cd rack makes u look much cooler too! Hahahaha!

Ok, i probably can't make it to Dubai. So by listening to it with my eyes closed, i can at least pretend i am there. Anyone wanna sponsor my trip to Dubai? I will gladly go with him, her, it or watever. Hey! It's Dubai u are talking about (not some crappy KL or Bangkok)! Even with an alien i will gladly go. Wat?? Just becos u dun believe in aliens, it doesn't mean they dun exist ok!

Go knock yourself out... http://www.hoteldubai.com/

Just remember me when u book the holiday. :)

Footnote: Yes, i am still spending money...

My star sign reading for this week

'A recent incident has started you thinking. This is not the reaction you were expecting. Why did a certain someone, who means a lot to you, laugh? You made it clear that this was a serious issue. Don't let his cavalier response invalidate yours.'

I read this in the papers on Sunday. Hmm, it made me wonder every time someone laughs when i say something if it's the person the stars are referring to. But somehow, deep in my heart, i already have the sneaking suspicion that i know who the person is going to be and wat the issue is. Therefore, my solution is to avoid talking to the said person for as long as i can. Ok, maybe not that long, maybe just for this week. Well, it's only a weekly reading for heaven's sake! :P

The purpose of being alive

I realised that i have no real purpose in being alive. Ok, cept maybe (just maybe) to boost the economy (i will touch on that a little later). I feel strangely empty, void, blank, drained with no direction or drive. Somewat like a flat line (beeeeeeep), not unlike that u see on the heartbeat monitor of someone very dead.

Recently, i went on a rampage to throw stuff away. Yup, as many as i could or bear to. I dun know why. Probably i got sick of them lying around collecting dust and taking up space. Are they useless stuff, u ask? Not really (ok, granted i dun actually USE them). But they are stuff of sentimental value, stuff memories are made of. Old stuff collected over the years... old letters, movie tic stubs, holiday documents, hotel reciepts, etc. Some stuff were given by other people. I even found a note my first boyfren wrote with the heading '30 reasons why i love xxx' (xxx being me of cos). Yes, it was sweet. No, i do not wish to keep that. At least, NOW i dun wish to. So IT went into the bin with all the rest of the stuff.

I am in the midst of sorting everything out. Yes, i opened up many boxes of 'worms', so to speak. They are not even tiny cans. They are colossal boxes of WORMS! Sigh. Maybe it's precisely becos i feel empty that i feel like disconnecting with everything else (i.e. dumping stuff). I dun think i will miss them (the memories, i mean), neither will i be missed too.

Ok, now on a happy note. Yup, i do my best to boost the economy (the government would be very happy about that eh? Everyone in white all clap together now! Haha!). My latest shopping spree saw my 'assets' increased by the following items. 4 spaghetti tops (white, black, pink & blue), 1 pink cardigan, 1 short white skirt, 2 bras (white & pink), 4 thongs (can't recall the colors), 3 sexy satin nighties (black, red & gold), 1 black bag, 1 black pouch, 1 pair of 3 inch heels and 3 tubes of lip gloss. Along the way, i also bought pressies for some frens too. Now wouldn't u love to be my fren? Haha!

Gwen's coming!

i realised that Gwen's coming and i just had to announce it. :)

We are pleased to announce Gwen Stefani's first ever tour date in Singapore this August...08/14/07 Singapore - Indoor Stadium-
On sale July 3 at 9:00 AM via www.sistic.com.

http://www.gwenstefani.com/default.aspx


Btw, my 2 fav songs from her The Sweet Escape album are Don't Get It Twisted & Wonderful Life.

Everybody now...
Don't Get It Twisted, don't get it clever
This is the most craziest shit ever
Uh oh, woah
Don't Get It Twisted, don't get it clever
This is the most craziest shit ever
Here we go, woah

The day i ran out of money

Aaaaargh! I just found out yesterday that i am only left with $150 to last me till the 18th of this month! How am i supposed to survive (any donations please)??! This is wat the Great Singapore Sale will do to a gal.... BANKRUPT her! Ok, let me rephrase that... This is wat the Great Singapore Sale will do to a gal without a single ounce of restraint and self-control... BANKRUPT her! So anyway, yes, i have no money....

I was talking to my gal fren the other day. Guess wat she was complaining about? She also needed to find ways to get more money. Any suggestions are greatly welcomed. So i told her... SELL BACKSIDE. Ok, not literally the ass but the point is to sell oneself. It's the easiest and fastest way to get lots of money. No capital investment and outlay. :)

Someone told me about this freelance Shenton Way working class gal who charges a whooping $600 for a session. Ohmigod! Who in the rite mind will pay that kind of money for a fuck??! Ok, i am not a guy, and neither do i pretend to understand them. Granted that she probably has a hot face and an even hotter body (both of which i do not have), BUT STILL! For heaven's sake, no one's gonna know that u are with a hottie hot hot hottie. Not as if u can go around parading her. Oh yah, back to my story, a fren of a fren of a fren (u get the drift, obviously i dun know the guy in question) decided to engage the services of this hottie hot hot hottie (so we shall christen her). But apparently, she was so damn hot that the guy came without actually doing the dirty deed. The hottie hot hot hottie was like, 'ok, we're done here, i'm leaving'. But clearly, the guy was not satisfied so he offered to pay another session just to get down to it, shall we say? So in the end, it's $1200 for ONE fuck. CRAZY rite?! ABSOLUTELY! I told my galfren this (to make a point that it's good money) and she was laughing her head off! Oh, i already laughed mine off the first time i heard it. Unbelievable.. wat men will pay to get satisfaction. $1200, i can get myself a nice Chanel bag or Gucci bag. Probably wat the hottie hot hot hottie did too. :P

I mean the guy can just go to a disco and probably find some sweet, young thing high enough to go home with him. I bet that doesn't cost $1200. But then, my galfren made a point... the guy probably has a 'kanna banged' (long pia) face. For the benefit of those who dun understand dialect, it just means a face that the doctor had to slap your mother when he delivered u (get it?). So he probably can't get anyone to dance or talk to him, much less go home with. Hahahahaha... Ok, that fact is unverifiable cos the source is currently unavailable. Dun worry, i will keep u guys updated once i verify that.

So back to my galfren. No, she's not selling her backside yet.. If she does, i will be the first to let u know.... Online bookings will be made available! Hahahahaha! Yah rite.

The Big Three Zero

I celebrated my birthday a few weeks ago (ok, it was more than just a few weeks, wat can i say? i am a procrastinator! Haha!). Yes, i have arrived at the big three zero. Hooray! Yippee! Oh yah, YIKES u say.

So wat did i do? Any major celebration? No. Multitudes of presents? No. Lots of birthday sex? No, sadly.. not even that... Pathetic rite? But it's ok with me. Seriously, i have lost all feeling for birthdays (especially for my own) for as long as i can remember. So no biggie to me. :)

Yup! I am OLD! Past my due date, aged, ancient, prehistoric, etc. Strangely, i have always been glad to be old. Well, it sure beats being a sweet, young thing who simply have no idea where life is going, rite? Erm, ok, not that i have any idea where is mine heading now but, well, if i pretended, at least it's gonna be more convincing rite?! Well, maybe, IF i am a good actress... Hahaha! Anyway, wat's the big deal about being 30? I am weird. No, i was not born weird, i just grew up weird. That's wat the great, big, scary world will do to u if u are not careful. Oh yah, so where was i? I am weird. I love to be old. Yes. So there, sue me. :P